He Who Laughs Last

WHOEVER LAUGHS LAST doesn't share my sense of humor updated 980710

JOKES

A more or less random selections of quotes I thought funny, some of which I modified or created myself. (Contributions and identification of authors not mentioned are welcome: click here)

“Being poor is terribly expensive.”
“Poverty is easy to endure provided you have plenty of money.”
“I have no fear whatsoever of disease, suffering, even death, provided it is not my own.”

“Never jump to a conclusion, especially if you are standing at the edge of a cliff.”

“Always finish your work on time, regardless of how late you started or of how long it takes.”

“When you want to get it straight from the horse's mouth, don't mistake it for his other end.” — JFC

Don't pull out from under me the rug under which you swept the dirt.” — JFC

“Never beat a dead horse in midstream.” — JFC

“Don't call me a wet blanket when you're the one who rained on my parade.” — JFC

“All humans are created equal, but only to their betters.”

“No oak falls for a joke.” — JFC

“Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.”

“WHOEVER LAUGHS LASTS”

“Dead dogs wag no tails.”

“If they decide to cremate me, I'll make no bones about it.”

Vie tell waib pajis thatt countane know eruz wil divell owe pairers win append buy yore brough sir.

Four moor of disk leak hear

All generalizations are false.

This type is much too small and faint to read safely without a magnifying glass, so even if you can read it, please don't.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

The persons of the Holy Trinity are two: the Father.

What you have once started never leave unfin

n't try to finish what has not even been started.

Live this day as if it were to be your last: don't buy any green bananas!

Live this day as if it were to be your last: spend all your money as if there were going to be no tomorrow!

Never put off until tomorrow what you could just as well put off until next year.

When Hell freezes over the cows will come home to roost skating over thin ice.

You never can get water from the tap if it's a wire tap.

WHAT'S IN A NAME? ... IT TAKES A CROOK TO... DEFEND YOU AGAINST A CROOK? DEFEND A CROOK?. . FOR SOME YEARS NOW, IF YOU NEED A LAWYER IN EL PASO, YOU CAN TURN TO ONE WHO HAS ADVERTISED HIS SERVICES ON TV AND IS UNDENIABLY A CROOK, JAMES J. CROOK.

BANANA REPUBLIC FROM 1980 TO 1987, ZIMBABWE HAD A BANANA AS ITS HEAD OF STATE, CANAAN BANANA IS HIS FULL NAME, AND, WHAT'S MORE, IN JUNE 1998 (AT THIS WRITING) HE WAS ON TRIAL FOR ALLEGED SODOMY WHILE IN OFFICE. HAD HE GONE BANANAS? OR IS IT HIS ACCUSERS WHO HAVE GONE BANANAS?

SIN AGAINST SIN FOR MANY YEARS, A CARDINAL SIN WAS HIGHLY REGARDED BY PHILIPPINOS. JAIME SIN WAS THE SENIOR CATHOLIC CLERGYMAN IN THEIR COUNTRY.

Bits of moss gathered by a rolling stone.

You can make a difference

"My country is ONE..." in many languages (and more languages are desired: can you add one?)

Never too old to be young.

Never too young to be wise.

I have questions... do you have answers?

We have answers... do you have questions?

Links for the strongest chain.

All the stuff that made room for more and may yet make it back.

Please send your comments, observations, insights, contributions, confirmations, corrections, suggestions, rebuttals, criticisms, witticisms, spare change, etc, to [email protected]

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